So I just had a break through on the query letter for Shadowed Stones. At least it feels like a break through to me. Here is what I have so far:
Fate has set Lyni on a course that will bring her face to face with her darkest fear - the lose of her human will.
Lyni's father takes her to the hall of his master - the dark wizard Feldon. There Feldon learns of her powerful magical abilities by invading her mind. Desperate to control her Feldon slowly begins to wear down her resistance. Eventually Lyni succumbs. Unable to resist his commands Feldon uses Lyni as a weapon in his campaign for power. Until Lyni breaks free of his control and flees.
Lyni remains hidden and save for many years. Then Garren, the second son of the King, finds her. Together they embark on a quest to bring and end to Feldon's reign. Lyni must overcome her own self doubt and fear if she is ever to be free of Feldon's shadow.
What do you think? Too dramatic? Would you read it? Please feel free to be brutally honest with me.