Saturday, November 19, 2011

Shadowed Stones Query Letter

So I just had a break through on the query letter for Shadowed Stones. At least it feels like a break through to me. Here is what I have so far:

Fate has set Lyni on a course that will bring her face to face with her darkest fear - the lose of her human will.

Lyni's father takes her to the hall of his master - the dark wizard Feldon. There Feldon learns of her powerful magical abilities by invading her mind. Desperate to control her Feldon slowly begins to wear down her resistance. Eventually Lyni succumbs. Unable to resist his commands Feldon uses Lyni as a weapon in his campaign for power. Until Lyni breaks free of his control and flees.

Lyni remains hidden and save for many years. Then Garren, the second son of the King, finds her. Together they embark on a quest to bring and end to Feldon's reign. Lyni must overcome her own self doubt and fear if she is ever to be free of Feldon's shadow.

What do you think? Too dramatic? Would you read it? Please feel free to be brutally honest with me.


  1. I don't know how to say how dramatic it is, but it does sound interesting (:

  2. I think it's pretty good. Is there a romance between Lyni and Garren? That could be mentioned a bit more if so. That would attract me more than just a quest and a wizard. :) There are lots of typos on the blog post...You probably knew that but if you did a copy and paste from your master document you might want to double check it.

  3. Thanks Fida and Christine! I know there are a lot of typos :) Was trying to type and clean at the same time. Did not turn out so well.

  4. Sounds good to me! But add a little more - flesh it out some - add a few descriptive details to add to the letter and make it a little more visual.